Waiting.... on God... Waiting on His voice

During class today, Professor Corrigan presented several things that challenged me to think about my life and my relationship with God. One thing that Professor Corrigan said during his mini lecture was “I take [the text] as an absolutely spiritual text.” He also said, “I see it as those without faith. I also see it as a test of faithfulness. Waiting for god, even when we can’t see God.”

Professor Corrigan left us with the thought, God is already here waiting for us, are we looking for him? When I think about this question, I ask myself, what I think is the greater question at hand. I ask myself whether I am actually taking the time to look for God, within the craziness of life. You see, for me personally, it is usually not an issue of waiting and not seeing God. For me, it is an issue of taking the time to stop. To stop moving, to stop my mind from running, and to stop talking. This, however, is easier said, then done.

I once heard that hope is the ability to listen to the music in the future, and faith is the ability to dance to the music in the present. Within Waiting for Godot I have seen the theme of both hope and of faith. Perhaps it is more of a lack of hope, and a lack of faith that I have seen within the characters of this play. This play definitely has a deeper meaning than it first appears. It seems somewhat worthless when you first begin reading it. It also seems confusing, because you truly do not know what is going on.

However, as I read more into the play, and watch the movie of the play, I can see how the two characters lives, relate to this life that I am living right now. There are times that I feel like I have lost all hope, just like the two characters seem to have done. There are also times that my faithfulness has been put to the test. I have been asked whom I am faithful to, and whom I am loyal to.

This all goes back to trusting and waiting on God, even when I cannot see God. What am I going to do with this life that he has given me? Am I going to wait on him? Am I going to take the time to discover him, and be quiet long enough for him to speak to me? These are all questions that the text Waiting for Godot urges you to ask yourself, and also, to eventually answer.

The end of the story is so unclear, but there is a reason

As I read through the play Waiting for Godot I have been noticing a theme of waiting for the unknown. As a reader, it is somewhat frustrating to not exactly understand what is going on within the story. I have felt very confused, most of the time that I have been reading this play. I do not understand what they are talking about, and I do not understand where everything is leading.

However, as I think about how I feel when I am reading this play, I can easily relate that feeling to life. There is a parallel in reading Waiting for Godot, and life and my relationship with Jesus. I often wander where God is taking me in life, or even why he is taking me a certain way in life. I often wander why God has taken me from Ohio, and lead me all the way down to Florida to attend college. I hate being so far from my family, but this does not take away from the fact that God has called me here, and I am following in obedience.

There are days in which I feel like there is no way that this path is getting me anywhere remotely close to where I want to be. But that is just the thing, it is not about where I want to be. This life is not my own. I don’t want it to be my own, because I would be lost on my own.

So as I read Waiting for Godot and I continue to be confused about what is going on within the story, I also sit with excitement, because the author is not going to leave us hanging. In the end, we will understand why everything was unclear. In the same way, in my life, I sit with excitement, because this journey that God has brought me on is an experience that I will never forget and it is a blessing that I have God leading me on it. At the end of life, I will understand why everything was so unclear throughout my life. As I continue to feel unsure of my next step in life, I will continue to hold tight to the promises that God has given me. For in the end, I believe it will be worth it all.

We were created to be relational beings!!!

While reading through Waiting for Godot, a line at the end of act I stood out to me. This line is when Estragon says, “Wait! I sometimes wonder if we wouldn’t have been better off alone, each one for himself.” This reminds me of something that I have thought about often throughout the past several years.

I know that I am reliant on different people in my life. I am probably too reliant on people at certain times, but either way, I find strength in spending time with others. Even if I am the one pouring into the other person, others fuel me. Company fuels me. Throughout life, however, I have often looked at this as being a weakness. The fact that I rely on someone often stands at to me as being needy, and not independent. Now, to a point, this can be true. We need to have independence, and we need to be able to survive, even if it is just you and God left.

However, as we went through the week in October called Fire Fall, my views on this subject began to change. We began to learn about community, and the importance of community. God created us to be relational people; therefore we should be just that, Relational! Erwin McManus spoke about this and encouraged me. He talked about how we were created to go through this life with others. We were created to have community. We were created to share tears of sadness and tears of joy. We were not supposed to cry on our own. We were not supposed to laugh on our own. God placed others on this earth so that we could enjoy these moments with others.

And so, as I read that line in the play, it makes me want to tell Estragon, no! We were meant to endure this life together! We were created to live with others. We were created to endure trials and struggles with others. God made us this way for a purpose. So today, enjoy the relationships that God has given you. We were made to be relational. We were made to be relational for a reason, so live in that!

Life and death and love and hate-- how these play out in life

Today in class we watched the movie Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog. The movie was very interesting, to say the least. When the movie first came on, I sat back and laughed to myself, wondering what I was going to experience for the next 45 minutes. As the movie progressed I laughed, however at the same time I felt sad for what was going on within this film that seemed somewhat useless.

Throughout the film I began to recognize different things within the movie that we have discussed in class. The theme of life and death was evident, as was the theme or love and hate. This is the theme that has been evident in much of the literature that we have read within this class. I found it interesting that Dr. Horrible felt such intense love for the girl, yet at the same time felt such hate for Dr. Hammer. This shows the common theme of feeling such intense love, that you also feel hate for someone else.

When I think about this theme of hate and love, I begin to ask myself many questions. I ask myself, is it possible to truly love someone, yet at the same time hate someone else? If this is possible, then could the feelings possibly get mixed up? If the person you love upsets you, will you quickly turn the switch and feel hate for them? I do not know the answer to all of these questions, but part of me thinks that it would be difficult to truly separate all of these feelings all of the time. We all have bad days. If there is such extreme hatred within a person, would it be easy for it to turn on people that you do not mean to?

I question myself on these things not because I wish for everyone to be perfect in life. For this would be impossible. I also do not ask these questions to band all hurt. I do, however, challenge you to think about your anger in your life. Is it to the point that it is hateful? Is this hate hurting other people? Because at the point that your hatred begins to hurt those who come in contact with you, who have nothing to do with the hatred in your life, you will begin to hurt people that you never thought you would hurt, just like Dr. Horrible.

the beauty of God, the beauty in nature, and the beauty in His still small voice

I went to Lake Bonny Park for this assignment, and I stayed there for at least fifty minutes. As I walked from my car, I began my journey on the path that winds all the way around the park. As I walked, I began thanking God for the beauty that I saw. This beauty, that I so often take for granted and do not recognize. I enjoyed the heat of the morning sun, as it turned to afternoon and I felt a refreshing, cool breeze as it blew through my hair. As I went on this walk, talking to God, I began asking Him questions about why He had called me so far from home. I continued on the path and looked ahead, only to see a butterfly on the path in front of me. I stopped and squatted down, eager to see the beautiful colors and designs within the wings on the butterfly. As I looked more closely at it, I realized that the butterfly had something wrong with one of its wings. The butterfly was not able to enjoy the beauty of the nature. I sat there for a few minutes, trying to figure out if I could help him at all, but eventually, I slowly walked away.

As I continued to walk down the nature path I began seeing several butterfly’s. I saw big ones and small ones and brown ones and yellow ones. They were all beautiful, but part of what made them beautiful was the way that they were flying and experiencing life. They had freedom, and with that freedom they had wonder, wonders to experience the beauty that God had provided for them. And experience, they did! They flew back in forth, in and out of the bushes, into the grass, and back into the freedom of the air. They had been given freedom, they had been set on a journey of life, and they were experiences everything they could.

As I saw this, God began to speak to me about my life. He challenged me with the thought of what am I doing to experience this new life that He has given me? He challenged me to enjoy the simple moments. Although I may miss my friends and family, I must move on, and I must enjoy the moments that he has given me now and here, in Florida, because I am here for this season and I do not know how long it will last.

My trip to the park was a renewing time. I was renewed in spirit and in soul. I was reminded to never forget the beauty in my first love. I was reminded not to live in the past, not to live in the future, but to live in the present, to live in each moment that God has given me.

relationships in life... relationships with God...

“A few words together and don’t try to make them elaborate, this isn’t a contest but the doorway”. This line that is found in the middle of the poem Praying by Mary Oliver stands out to me. As Mary Oliver begins to simplify prayer and express what prayer is supposed to be, she makes it clear that big words are not necessary. I love the last line in which she’s says “into thanks, and a silence in which another voice may speak.” I think that this is a vital thing to remember when you are praying and seeking after God’s voice in your life. There are times within prayer that we need to simply sit back, be quiet and listen. Whether the Lord speaks to us or not, does not validate whether we should be still in the presence of God. It is simply a matter of realizing the greatness of God and being open to His voice. Sometimes we will hear his voice, and sometimes we will simply experience a moment of peace. But that moment of peace could be exactly what we needed.

While we were discussing this in class, the discussion of what prayer should look like come up. I would like to repeat the quote that I said at the beginning of this blog. “A few words together and don’t try to make them elaborate, this isn’t a contest but the doorway”. I think that it is important to remember that in praying we are simply conversing with the God of the universe. I think that we often forget that we are in a relationship. Within relationships, you will face times in which you will simply sit and say nothing to each other. Although this is not the case all the time, I think that in our society today we often put prayer in a box. We do not allow it to be expressed in different ways. Relationships are made of different things, and I think that within relationships there are times for words and there are times for silence. I believe that there are times for laughing and there are times for crying. I believe there are times of need and there are times of thanksgiving. Shouldn’t our relationship with God be that of the same kind? I believe that it is time for Christians today to stop praying simply to say they have prayed, and instead begin to embark on a relationship that changes the way you view everything in life.